Lessons in Gardening
I’ve never been much of a green thumb. I did grow and tend a fern of some sort when I was a kid. I was really quite proud of that as I remember back now. Since we live in the middle o’ nowhere with lots of green space around us I thought this year that I’d finally get my act together and at least TRY gardening.
I asked advice. I got a list from several good friends. I scoped it out. I procrastinated….erm…..a lot. I finally got ’round to planting some things in containers and in the yard around the porch in early June I think. The tomatoes died first. Poor tomatoes. It was like they never had a chance. As soon as I got a small bit of fruit on one Miles got excited and pulled it off to show me. Oy. It never really recovered and eventually it just gave up the ghost.
The herbs did well although I’m pretty sure I saw them giving me dirty looks now and again. The sunflowers my daughter grew from seed are AWESOME and taking over the world, which is absolutely fine by me. The rosemary bush is thriving and offering lovely scents even as I walk past it. Very kind, indeed.
The lavender, however, ah me. It came to me in sad condition. It was big but looked a bit dicey. I bought it because of it’s size. I had a big pot for the deck I needed a big plant and I love lavender. I spent a lot of time talking to it, watering it, pruning away the dead stuff. It was starting to look a little bit alright really and then…I took a an out town trip. I forgot to leave word for someone to water the plants. Um. Oops.
When I got home after several bone dry Tennessee days followed by a torrential downpour I found that most of the plants had done fairly well. The lavender did not fare so well. It was dark and stormy when I got home but I still peered out the window to check and even in the dark and rain I could see it suffering. The next morning I spend some time mourning the poor shriveled brown thing. I had intended to toss it right away and put something else in there as quickly as possible because someone told me once that dead plants convey a bad vibe to a place. I went to do the deed and I found I just couldn’t let it go.
I started to pick away the deadest parts and made an agreement with myself that I’d remove as much as I could, wait a few days and if there was new growth I’d keep it. So that’s what I did. It looked pretty scraggly that first day. I thought this must be plant hospice, just waiting for the last breath and then the burial. A strange thing, though, today. New green leaves showed up. At first I nearly missed them. I picked away more dead areas so that I could see them better and the closer I looked the more green I could see. I feel cautiously optimistic now I suppose. I’ll give it a little more time because to be honest, I don’t know that I have anything to lose by giving it time and attention. I kept telling it today that it COULD come back and it could be strong. (Ok, yes, I talk like this to both people and to plants, sue me.)
After all this today I see how this whole thing has mirrored my life this last few weeks. Things have been hard with the people side of my life too. There has been some disease, some destruction, some dry days and then near hurricane. I’ve felt so ready to toss it away and start something new. Community is hard. It just is. And so today after tending my sick plant I was reminded of just how much tending relationships need. They are not self watering, they are not machine made, they’re organic and need attention and care. This was a good lesson today.
metaphor
from the Latin. metaphora, 
confusion…
July 26, 2009 at 9:08 am (Radical Thoughts, Social Commentary, expanding your view, random musings)
I’m doing this workout program called P90X. It’s extreme. Ack. I do love it though. I love a good strength workout, I love a good flexibility workout, I’ll suffer through a cardio workout once a week. (Yes, I’m a personal trainer who loathes doing cardio…I’ll tell you more sometime…I promise.)
The basic premise for P90X is not a “new” one, it’s actually a solid, tried and true foundation called “muscle confusion.” I’ve used this in some form the last few years myself. Muscle confusion is just working your muscles so that they start to get used to a certain way of moving and then just when they get all comfy you switch it up. Keeps ‘em on their toes (erm…muscle fibers, as it were…)
This got me to thinking about this concept in other areas of my life (because I’m Mrs Metaphor and this is what I do.)
Muscle confusion works for muscles. The same concept applied to say, parenting, not so good. I say this because so often I feel that this is my (unintentional) method. I’m not TRYING to be inconsistent, I promise. It’s not a well laid out parental workout I’ve conceived. It just seems to be the groove I get into. My motto these days, “everything works for 5 minutes.” Changing the way I parent every time something “stops working” though only leads to child confusion and that’s not working either.
What is inconsistent as I consider though is NOT my attitude or my character…it’s my “action.” It’s the strength and flexibility workout that never seems to fit my parenting. It’s not the heart of the matter. Strangely enough, it’s the cardio aspect I got down. Endurance training is my parenting strong suit. I do show up. I do embrace that “strong and steady wins the race.” It’s as close to jogging as I ever get, on any level.
It’s ironic that the weight lifting part of parenting is the part I dislike so much. I don’t show good form. I keep wondering how much longer the workout will last and when I can rest…I lift too much, I don’t bend at the knees when it gets too heavy.
Now, here is my final thought (for today) on this whole thing. Do you know why P90X is REALLY effective and so transformative? 90 days (the length of the extreme workout phase) is the amount of time it takes to build and keep and new habit. In P90X you workout everyday (well, you take a day off to rest or stretch.) What it does is that it forces you to do something every day that will make you stronger, healthier, fitter. In the end, by doing it everyday you don’t just confuse your muscles, you give them hope that you’ve begun to be better…for the long haul. You give your muscles something to look forward to…some reason to believe this is all worthwhile.
Maybe that’s the parenting metaphor I need to walk away with…not child confusion…child security…my role as parent is to assure my children (and in so doing, assure myself) that I am working toward being better…for the long haul. I give them something to look forward to…some reason to believe this is all worthwhile.
and this is a very good thing.
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