Mrs Metaphor

Today being the last day of NaBloPoMo is something of a relief, I confess. Until maybe a week ago I was perfectly content to post everyday. I find that I have a lot I want to say, go figure!

I was asked recently about my involvement with a website I touted early in my blogging career called Mary Kay Sucks so in the interest of clarity I thought I would post about that today. I stumbled upon blogging about a year ago and decided to begin Mrs Metaphor on a literary lark so to speak. I wanted to spend some time developing my writing skills and developing the “character” of Mrs Metaphor. I had in mind what I *thought* this might entail and was suprised and a little shocked at the level of emotional frenzy resident in the cyberland experience to be frank. Perhaps if I had contented myself to spend time on the blogs of my friends (real life and internet bound) then I would have found things a little more tame or even edifying, although that BabyChaos and Writerchick really know how to throw a wild party.

I ended up spending a lot of my time at Mary Kay Sucks (which later became Pinktruth and died a little creative death in the process.) The bad part about spending so much time at the anti-Mary Kay site was that it was like working at a crisis center. It began to feel so polarized…Mary Kay:bad, People who hate Mary Kay: Good. In general I believe that polarizations are rarely accurate so to be whipped into such and emotional turmoil about the inner workings of a cosmetics company felt a little off after a while.

The truth is, that I lost myself on that site. I was already sporting a literary character as my identity rather than the real me and then to pile atop that the tenor of the website in question, well…I lost myself. The good thing about spending time at MKS was that I did make some really amazing “cyber” friends, most of whom are my commentary fanclub here…and for which I am most appreciative.

Needless to say that I ended up really needing to quit the “crisis center” blog because of the emotional drain it had become. I do not begrudge the women who still want to “work” there or still want to attend the support groups but I was never really in a position to be the voice of reason or wisdom there. I’ve never sold Mary Kay…and to be honest, I don’t actually believe it to be evil now that I’ve jumped off the bandwagon. I’ve not been terribly adept at bandwagon riding. It gets a little crowded.

What is it about blogs that continues to fascinate us, draw us in, make us care for people we’ve never met and probably never WILL meet? As I continue to expand my internet blogging community I find I am increasingly filled by the words I read and perhaps at the same time weighted by the additional information. It can become overwhelming to keep up. I feel like a “bad” blogging friend when I don’t keep up with what is happening around me.

Alas, posting this month has given me a new appreciation for those of you who actually do post on a regular basis. It is a great deal of work! I was suprised, however, and glad that I didn’t run out of things to tell you about…although some might argue that I was “reaching” at times (read: Italian spiderman….come ON, that was GREAT!)

So, thank you for peeking into this window during the month of November. I was considering posting each day in December just to keep the party going but at this point I think I’d prefer the pace which fits me better, inconsistent and random. : )

Keep checking in with me, I have enjoyed our ride together this month!

Well, I may be a lot of things but according to this quiz, I’m not a dramaqueen…

You are a No Drama Mama!

No need for drama, you just chill out and don’t let things bother you You’ve got a peaceful, zen-like attitude… even when things get crazy You’re a pleasure to be around, and you have lots of friends to show for it You don’t need to be the center of attention, you’re happy enough as is!

Tomorrow I’m going back to see what kind of a donut I am.

A wise friend of mine told me a cyberstory this past week via email:

The Rabbi and the Gossip~

The Gossip is told by the Rabbi to take a feather pillow, stand in the center of town and shake it out.

He then tells the Gossip to retrieve every single feather that has scattered far and wide by the wind; an impossible task.

The lesson? Tales of gossip (true or untrue) like the feathers are gone forever once they leave you

and can never be retrieved.

I thought this was a good story so I thought I’d share it.

Maybe it is because I have been spending so much time on blogs which discuss Mary Kay Cosmetics that I have become enamored with the idea of make up. I used to revel in the fact that I did not wear a stitch of makeup but apparently we are a product of the company we keep and I find I have become discontent in this area of my grooming.

Read the rest of this entry »

One day while perusing the internet I was struck by a blog called Mary Kay Sucks. As I have stated in my previous posts on this blog I had never sold or even purchased Mary Kay products and yet I was drawn to the site.

So I’ve been spending some time on this blog which is now called Pink Truth, a name which I find now suits the mission much more aptly.

When I began this series and began to spend the time on Pink Truth I really felt as though I had a neutral stance. After all, I had nothing to gain nor lose in this argument. I was Switzerland. It was fun to watch and fun to comment on what I saw.

The truth is, however that I am not sure how one can truly stay neutral in this case. Neutral implies coasting, cruising through without propelling oneself, moving without noise or effort. As I read the stories of these women and those of the women who still engage in Mary Kay Cosmetics I was moved by the tender and fragile synchonicity of the pieces as they moved together. So much depends upon the other.

At the risk of sounding provacative there has existed a symbiotic relationship between MK as a community and MKsucks. When something happens in one universe it directly applies to the other. Sometimes this would be clothing worn by upper ranking consultants, sometimes it would revolve around emails or notices that had gone out but it was a ripple effect. I often wonder, if the ProMk people and MK corporate had just ignored PT would it just have fizzled to a close at some point? If this was merely a small group of “disgruntled” former and current consultants who “didn’t work hard enough” then certainly, the blog itself would have floundered when the participants felt finished with lamenting, yes? We really can only run on the fuel of negativity for so long and then, I believe most of us will meander toward a different avenue.

It’s the television mentality. We can only watch the same show for a length of time and then we get bored, get a life, get interested in something else, get rid of cable…we are a fickle but drama-loving lot and there is much drama to be found if only we look.

But where I feel PinkTruth is headed is much deeper than that. This is not a television show, a fictional program which ends when the film stops or we stop watching, whichever comes first. This is a chronical of the lives of real people; good and bad and in between. It began as a place to gather and has now progressed into a place to greet. The oldtimers in PT wait at the door, no longer terribly concerned with who is wearing what to Seminar, no longer grousing about which products are being discontinued. They wait at the door to greet newcomers. They answer questions patiently if not pointedly. They sit as the wisewoman in their tent, listening to people as they enter and offer their experience as testimony. Make no mistake, they are driven and have purpose but it it not quite as one might think. It is not a drive to destroy but rather rebuild that which they and others have lost. It is not a purpose of revenge but rather of restoration.

As with most things and people, they fail at times. They fall into old trends of catty commentary and joke-making but it becomes more and more incidental as time progresses. It becomes footnote instead of fodder.

I have heard it said that the word “Protestant” as it refers to the Church is no longer relevant. The Protestant Church is truly no longer protesting, they are creating something of their own. In a sense, Pink Truth is doing this as well. They are no longer merely an extension of the community of Mary Kay Constultants, albeit the unhappy arm of the community.

In the face of injustice how do we respond? Can we truly be neutral in this?

I was listening to my old Kate Bush CD yesterday. The song was “Sat in your Lap” and the words that struck me:

I see the people working,
And see it working for them.
And so I want to join in,
But then I find it hurts me.

And of course it brought my mind to my oft mentioned obsession, Mary Kay Sucks, which now has been reborn as PinkTruth. Truly, I was sad to let go of the name Mary Kay Sucks. Shock value, I suppose, was what was so appealing about the name. The newly christened Pink Truth, however, shows a shift of sorts in some ways. There is a professionalism about the site now that may have been lacking before, perhaps it is a renewed sense of the pursuit of justice, a higher sense of purpose. It is still appealing, it is still intruiging.

And on the heels of this change I receive a postcard in the mail from my friend Trudy, who does not know I am Mrs Metaphor. She invites me to my very FIRST Mary Kay Party. I am stunned, do I go and ask hard questions of the consultant? Do I tell everyone there about Pink Truth? Do I leave little pink business cards on all their cars with PinkTruth.com? Do I stay home out of respect for my friend whom I like quite a lot?

In the end I decide to go. Two other friends are also invited and KNOW of my blogging on this subject. They are suprised that I would attend but I just needed to see what the experience entailed. I had to go.

The day of the party I had even more questions. Do I wear makeup, something I usually reserve for weddings and funerals and the occasional date with my husband. Do I bring a checkbook? Will there be dessert on hand?

I discover not long before I am to leave that the consultant is a very sweet woman whose husband works with the husband of our hostess. Jane, the consultant had called me before the party and asked if might be interested in coming to their weekly sales meeting the following monday. She did say that there would be a demonstration of how to apply false eyelashes. This was before she knew the age of my mascara. To her credit when I told her that I would not be interested in that she let it go and did not bring it up again.

I decide to reserve judgement and commentary about the idea that Mary Kay Sucks. I decide that in the very least I will have had a night out with friends and a mild taste of the Mary Kay worldview. I brought my checkbook. I had heard the lipbalm was good.

I consider myself an anthropoligist of sorts in this situation; digging for clues to the secrets of a mysterious civilization. I am relieved to find that there is indeed food available and help myself to a plate of sweet and savory delights, Trudy never fails.

We spend a few moments getting to know one another and gabbing about life in general before our consultant, Jane turns the subject toward skin care. She asks questions about where we buy cosmetics, what our skin care system entails, if we had ever attended a Mary Kay function in the past, who has a Mary Kay product in our purses…things of that nature. I sat quiet, mostly, except when making jokes about the absence of a skin care system in my life and the degree of maturity that my clinique foundation has gained by sitting in the drawer half full for the last couple of years.

I do tend to cling to the rebellious youth in me which would rather dye my hair a brilliant eggplant to accent the unnaturalness of that process than dye my hair to cover the gray. Wearing makeup has not often been about making myself feel or look more beautiful historically. Often it has been about making a statement, so I actually take a degree of pride in admitting that I buy cosmetics about once a year, if that. To even begin to broach the subject of “anti-aging” skin care products means quite a paradeigm shift frankly.

Jane told us all about the main products upon which Mary Kay Ash founded her company, a brand called “TimeWise.” This “age fighting” product is meant to turn back the clock, reduce wrinkles, fade age spots, tighten sagging skin. I found myself transfixed with the idea of it and then I looked at the pricetag; $104 for what they call The Miracle Set. I asked how long this miracle would last and was told that it would last me about 2-3 months with daily use. So every 2-3 months I am spending $104 for The Miracle.

I already knew from PinkTruth that if I wanted the product I could buy it on Ebay, often from consultants who were knee deep in inventory and credit card debt but did not want to close the door to MK yet. You see, Mary Kay Corp offers a buy back on inventory at 90% of cost. The clincher though is that if you do this buyback you must sit out as a consultant for one year. You can rejoin at a later time but the buyback takes you out of commission. For some, it is a rather delicate struggle, do I stay or do I go?

Consultants are encouraged to keep inventory on hand. One reason that is often stated about why a consultant might have inventory available is an old adage I believe that is attributed to Mary Kay Ash, “You can’t sell from an empty wagon.” Mary Kay Ash knew a little something about the “immediate gratification” that comes of leaving a party with a pink bag filled with newly purchased goodies.

As we looked through the products, Jane would produce samples and full size product from a huge supply in the next room. I began to wonder just how much of this she would eventually be able to sell and how much of it would end up on Ebay or covered in dust in a closet when the lines changed each season.

I decide in the moment that I would save my mental shifting on my aging views for another time and order the lip balm, which after being sampled really did have it’s good points. I found, though, that I really wanted to help Jane out. I get into this brain and heart space often, wanting to help out a friend, or a friend of a friend’s husband as it were, so I also purchase a bottle of make up remover and a new mascara. I was told that mascara really only ought to be used for a few months, after that it can carry bacteria and heaven knows I need my eyes and lashes intact so I succumb.

At this point Jane’s “Director” comes to the party to help out. She is a very attractive woman in her early 40’s. Yes, Cindy’s skin is flawless, her makeup well applied, her suit pressed and her shoes, suprisingly, open toed. I was led to believe through PinkTruth that “open toe” was a “no-no” and I desperately wanted to ask Cindy about this. I wanted to ask leading questions and tip my hand, just a little and I almost did. But in the moment the real truth was that Cindy was not unlikable. She did seem “nice” and she did seem to know what she was talking about in this arena. I don’t know how much inventory she had in her basement or what her credit card balance climbed to near each quarter’s end. I wanted to ask but I didn’t.

I have stated before that what is convincing about PinkTruth stories are the women themselves and now I was face to face with 2 of those women. I don’t know on which side of the fence they would find themselves in this whole debate but right then, at Trudy’s house it really was about selling the product. The subject of recruiting did not come up at all. Jane did try to book more parties with each of us but I do not think she had takers on it and she did not press the subject. It remains to be seen if I will be contacted any further on this front. I’m not sure I presented as someone who would be a willing candidate for selling Mary Kay cosmetics!

The evening ended with more cookies and credit card/order form fill outs and tiny pink bags with newly purchased goodies to take home…except for the lip balm. She was out of lip balm.

What sells? Controversy, action, intrigue, suprise endings…and cosmetics.
Of all the posts I have read this week on MKSucks, the one I am most saddened by is a woman who boasts that she quit her nursing job to focus on her MK business. She reasoned that she would rather leave her job making $40-50 an hour as a nurse to pursue higher income in MK. She is entirely content with her choice and who am I to argue what is best for her and her family, yes?

Unless I am someone who is in need of a skilled nursing professional, what then? My response to her was that I felt it was a loss to the profession of nursing, the world does not need another cosmetics salesperson but we are sorely in need of nurses.

What is it that drives someone to pursue an endeavor such as MK? From reading the ProMK sites it appears to be just as they advertise; wealth, friendship, love, faith and fun. From reading the stories of the women who have been hurt by their MK experience the song is the same…they were in need of some part time income (wealth), some were coming out of a divorce (love), some were enticed by the idea of working for a Christian company (faith), some were just looking for friendship (fun.)

Each woman in the MKsucks stories ended up losing much more than they gained. What is striking though are the similarities in the stories…too much time away from the family, an excess of inventory, feeling trapped by not being able to confide their true emotions, being shunned if they spoke badly of the company and most notable, the debt they incurred. The amount varied from one to another, the greatest amount I saw being $40,000. The interesting thing is that the woman who posted this debt incurred from her MK business was NOT disgruntled. She came to post on Mary Kay Sucks to chide them for their behaviour, to tell them how disgusted she was with the site and to say how happy she was with her MK business. She did not respond to the people who posted after her. Many posts were sympathetic, asking her if she really understood that $40k in debt was indeed an incredibly difficult hole from which to emerge.

The women on MKSucks often make comments about having an impact on Mary Kay Intl. Sometimes the comments take a turn for the worse and degenerate into a comical feeding frenzy but the thread is there, the original hope that this tide will turn the course of that ship.

I don’t know if it’s possible to turn this ship around especially when so many ProMk people seem content with the dream that MK offers, I doubt that Mary Kay Intl. really has an interest in changing course. They are, after all, a corporation. Their main goal is to make money for their shareholders. To make sweeping changes would cost a great deal of money. It remains to be seen if this wave of discontent, fueled by MKSucks and other sites like it, is strong enough to cause more than a little seasickness. Time will tell.

choppy waters ahead….

This is why I don’t watch television. Honestly, I don’t watch television. It’s not because I am standing on some high moral ground, spouting long winded diatribes about the objectification of women, the poor treatment of minorities or the immense level of violence, unnecessary nudity and innuendo we see in television programming for the most part. It’s because I become completely immersed in the stories. They could be half hour long comedy programs, hour long dramas, movies of the week, how to shows, infomercials, even home shopping channels…it doesn’t matter. I sit there with the remote in hand and just gaze in awe and wonder at the sheer amount of absolute garbage I can shovel into my brain. And I love every single minute of it. It’s like candy, no, it’s like Godiva chocolates…no wait, it’s like Godiva Chocolate ICE CREAM.

So as I sit at my computer pretending to do my work I keep two windows open in the background; Mary Kay Sucks, Mary Kay Rocks because it has become my new obsession of sorts. Between the two sites I spend most of my time on MKS to be honest. It has the most action basically, I guess it’s Desperate Housewives meets 20/20. Then I check out MKR on occassion. Because they spend most of their time actually talking “shop” over there though it’s hard to find a discussion that keeps my interest. I have learned a lot about the MK thinking on MKR however. I also like to see if I can identify some common monikers while I am there and find the cross talk. It’s Infomercial meets Antiques Roadshow.

I have been posting on both sites, asking questions and again, marvelling at the complexity of the whole thing. I always come away with an intense impression that this goes so much deeper than it seems. My main thought in each post is to try and see each woman or man who is taking time to write their story. I read the good experience stories, I read the bad experience stories and I even read the ones in between good and bad experiences. The posts which get the most attention obviously are the nasty ones and there are nasty ones, believe me. This is where the ratings go up. It’s sweeps week.

What is interesting is that you won’t find nasty posts on the MKRocks site. Their purpose is to be positive, to show the positive side only. I can understand that. This is their work, their business. They don’t want to spend time defending their company on company time so to speak. They do moderate their posts, as MKSucks does, but at MKrocks they remove or do not allow the negative posts to come through. This gives the impression that the negativity does not exist.

MKSucks, however, will allow the negativity. In fact, she seems to revel in it when it comes from ProMK people. Unfortunately for the ProMK people though, these posts tend to be ill concieved, angry to the point of ferocious, poorly written and downright beligerant.

Now, of course, it is possible that, as some ProMK-ers have suggested, MKSucks only shows the posts from ProMK people who fit this template. I don’t know if I believe that. I have been pouring through the site lately and have seen a great many posters who are polite, well spoken (well written) and ProMK. These posts are usually met with a mixed bag of “thanks for posting, glad your experience was good,” or “You are in the Pink Fog, let us know when it lifts,” or “How can you say that when so and so did this…”

If you walk into a room of recovering alcoholics, people whose lives have been destroyed by the stuff and wave around a bottle of Jack Daniels extolling it’s virtues and telling everyone there how YOU don’t have a problem with drinking and that there must be something wrong with them because they DO…then, I guess you’d get a mixed reaction too, but mostly it would be a bad reaction I’d think.

On the other hand, not all people who drink alcohol are alcoholics, just as not all MK Consultants and directors are corrupt. Everything in moderation I suppose.

more to come…stay tuned…

I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago. I don’t know what drew me there because I have never sold Mary Kay Cosmetics, nor have I purchased them. (If you read my recent post about the “spa day” on here then you’d probably figure out that I am a fairly low maintinence type who rarely wears make up and treats her skin horribly.)

I keep asking myself why I spend so much time at MKS. It’s like a club, really, which keeps attracting new members each day I am there. This week they are doing a series on whether or not Mary Kay fits the description of a cult. It does seem to hit some of those qualities but of course so do many of the organized churches in our fair country so it’s hard to say how it matters really.

Perhaps that is my question. What is it that matters here? I am so intruiged by the dynamics of this blog. One moment the participants are discussing their level of experience with the organization, which is very impressive. This is not simply a group of disgruntled ex-employees, part timers, people who wanted something for nothing. From what I can gather it is a diverse group, some still in the organization, some even at high levels. The next moment the whole thing deteriorates into a “fashion don’ts” list aimed at specific upper level people. The comments that follow are relentless and build one upon another. It’s sad really how a train rolls down the tracks, seemingly out of control, carreening downhill and instead of people jumping off, they are actually jumping “on.”

But I don’t think this is because these women are mean spirited or bitchy. I think it is because they are angry and hurt. Many of the posts bring forth such a degree of injury it’s almost hard to read. I felt compelled to offer encouragement and forgiveness. There are many things in the world that seek to work against women. We are cursed with the delusion that beauty is all and that we are not worthy, not good enough, not beautiful enough, not smart enough. I find this to be very disturbing, watching these women tear each other down as they tear themselves down in the process.

It makes sense though, their anger, their hurt. When you read their stories and see the expanse of the lies, the deception and the cost it does begin to make sense. The critics of the site talk often about these women being bitter and feeling sorry for themselves. Some of this is true. They are bitter, because they’ve been injured and not treated well. Their wounds were not given the proper salve to heal so they lie open and painful. The critics of this site might say that these women are a small representation of the company as a whole. I say that this makes no difference. The women who post there are still real and true. Their experience is still theirs and their pain still present. Is it not still the calling of those who profess Jesus as Messiah to look upon them with grace and love? Someone asked me in a post at a Pro MK site if they were supposed to just ignore the insults and barbs thrown at them and I say, Yes…yes, you are because that is what is asked of us.

I think there are many out there, still very committed to Mary Kay, who see this blog as some sort of threat to them. I cannot understand that, although I am trying. I have the impression from another blog I discovered that this battle has been going on for quite some time. They, also have been injured in the fray. They too, still smart from the verbal grenades thrown over their fence. The visual that comes to me around this however is one of the upper echelon sitting back and counting cash while the lower levels scramble and argue and without really knowing what the real fight is about.

Since I have no real insight into the workings of the company I can only speculate as I continue to watch and learn. I hope that I can do so with some honor and without having the urge to put on lipstick.